…. And Felines Get It Too


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Feline Aids

So we all heard about the transmission of aids to Humans, or maybe I should use the word, discovery and tracking back the origin of the virus. We have several scenarios thus far:

Scenario 1: Weapon – Man

Scenario 2: Monkey – Man

Scenario 3: Man – Man

Regardless of which one you want to believe as being the original one, one would think that one scenario is sufficient. But we live in a creepy world and one scenario might not be sufficient. It could involve all three scenarios… an orgy of scenarios. However, I still haven’t gotten to the intriguingly interesting and mind boggling thought. Just recently, being the non-clinical person, I heard of what is called the Feline aids disease,  and this is where I could use some help understanding how cats came into play.

Sure, cats and monkeys don’t get along; I can see cats and dogs have more things in common than with a monkey; just like I would see a man having more things in common with a monkey than a cat.

So, how did felines get aids?  Should I go back to my drawing board to write down all the possible scenarios? You know what? I will do that, just for the fun of it.

Scenario 1: Weapon went wrong- Feline

Scenario 2: Disturbed Monkey – Feline

Scenario 3: Man beyond wasted and experimenting – Feline

Scenario 4: Feline (gay) – Feline

It might be self-explanatory, but come on why skip the details when we can make it more fun. It is true, chemical weapons are manufactured under highly secured remote places that no one can ever come across, maybe tens of floors below ground level or deep in an invisible mountain, but believe it or not, they keep cats around just for fun. One of those days, a syringe was left unattended and unfortunately the cat chasing after a mouse in the lab, now you do know that they always have mice in their labs, that should not come as a surprise to anyone, that’s the norm; but anyway so the cat was chasing the mouse around the lab, breaking test tubes and what not, thinking that it had the whole world in its paws. Little did she know, the mouse who was once part of the three miceketeers, picked up what appeared to be a sword and stabbed the cat  several times with it, hence transmitting the disease.

If that story was hard to believe, then try to get this one. Monkeys are found primarily in two places, either at the zoo or in a forest, living their life to the max. Of course no one can believe that a cat could get itself in a cage with a monkey, why would a cat be at the zoo in the first place? which in itself is an interesting observation… I have never seen cats in any zoo. You either have them at home or you buy them from a pet store. But that’s not the point; let’s consider the latter case being the more probable one. A cat decided one day to elope with her lover, only to discover that he has already left her for another feline. It may be sad, but it happens all the time and that’s why you hear them moaning in February, that’s how sad they get. Anyway, the cat had two choices; either go back to the loving home and reminisce in sorrow and misery or commits suicide. A quick note for the reader, a suicidal cat does not jump off the bridge, it is almost impossible for a cat not to land on its feet, so the suicidal thought for a cat is to go to the jungle. Of course you all know what happens next; I will explain for those that don’t. The cat stepped into the jungle thinking that a lion would jump on her and devour her and she would die without feeling any pain, instead she encountered a bald blue-eyed monkey, who wasn’t sure what species he belongs to. He always felt out of place. Right away those sparkling eyes at night caught his attention; both having blue eyes, it felt like a match made in heaven. Unfortunately for the cat, she found her destiny in the arms of a monkey, but with it came a great feline disease.

It’s not over, well the monkey and cat scenario is, but what about man and feline. I’m sure if this story was ever true, it would have made the headlines all around the world. This is how it goes: A Man came home earlier one day from work only to discover that his wife was cheating on him, in his own house, on his own bed. He didn’t know what to do. Because the unlucky dude lived in a “no-Fault” state, which by the way I will be talking about in another blog, he decided to leave the house. Yet he couldn’t get the picture out of his mind. He went to the nearest bar and got wasted beyond imagination, and couldn’t find anyone else to blame but himself. After all, he knew he had a size issue, and of course he heard his wife tell him before that “size does matter”. He felt that he was a looser and wanted to prove that he was capable of pleasing another, but deep down inside he knew it was biologically impossible. On his way out of the bar, after being kicked out of course, around 3:37 am, and no one around, he saw a cat wandering, and cats by nature are so friendly, they let anyone pet them. Once again this poor cat has seen things she was not meant to see. Nonetheless she was satisfied and eventually diseased, but look at the bright side the man too had accomplished what he asked for “to please another”.

Last by not least, it’s the story of the gay felines couple. If penguins can do it, why not cats! As lady Gaga states: They are born this way… Who are you to judge?

Raghid Khalil

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